An 18 year-old me, circa 2009.
It's so funny how at 22, I feel so different than I ever expected to feel at this age. I used to think that being in my early twenties would be the most glamourous era of my life, but now, I'm pretty sure that I am just in some sort of perpetual limbo (who's kidding: most of my contemporaries are in the same boat). I don't know who I am yet, but I feel like society is telling me to figure it out ASAP.
I've been thinking a lot about my early college years. That pivotal time right after high school and right before life actually came a-knocking, waking you up in the middle of the night. A time where responsibilities were few and far between (and I was still under 21), and the most I had to worry about was getting my English paper in on time.
So I made a list. Of things I would've told myself back then. Things to think about, and prepare for. Because no one tells you these things when you get older - and then all of a sudden you're supposed to KNOW these things, like facts that are inherent in each human being.
So here goes nothing :
1. Make that bucket list and make it long. Pretty soon, you won't be able to hop on a plane last minute on an adventure with your family and friends. You may think these plans are far fetched and impossible, but let me tell you something-you'll live in France when you're 20, you'll go to South Africa when you're 21. You'll graduate with honors. You'll land a job out of college in the FASHION industry. Dreams are only as big as you let them be. If you're willing to chase them (literally) to the ends of the Earth, then anything is possible.
2. The first boys you "loved" weren't worth it. But then one will come along that will wind up changing your life. It'll take a long time to understand the concept that just because someone desires you, doesn't mean they value you. Find someone who values you; someone who respects you. Someone who will make your happiness more important than his own. Someone who becomes a part of your family, and someone who will welcome you into his. Then you will find that great love that you are so desperately looking for. And it will be a great one; one that will still be going five years later. He will be your best friend. And you won't be able to imagine a life without him in it.
3. You will feel lonely. That's a part of life. Don't let the loneliness bring you down. Find ways to make it beneficial to you. Start a business, go for walks, practice something that you've always wanted to master. You will sit at your computer until the wee hours of the night writing stories that no one will ever read, but it will give your heart so much happiness, and that is all anyone can ever ask for.
4. That being said, write a lot. Even if it's a sentence here or there. Remember the stuff that goes down during these years, because you will never be as young as you are in this moment.
5. You aren't infinite. Pretty soon you will be responsible for yourself and for others. Make good choices, because you want to be PROUD of the person you become. You don't want to regret the things you did and said, the people you hurt, back when you thought you were always right.
6. Work your ass off. Take extra shifts. Take a second job, even if you don't need the money. Save what you earn for a rainy day. Build that resume NOW. While you still can. You will, somewhere down the line, start applying for jobs and no one will be interested in that summer you spent "finding yourself" with your friends and that one guy you thought you loved. We all have to pay our dues. We all have to work for the life we want. The jobs, internships and extracurricular activities are what will make or break you when you start applying for jobs post-college.
7. Know that you are loved. People love you. Your parents, your siblings, your boyfriend, your best friend, your neighbors, your confidante, your pet; YOU ARE LOVED. Never take that notion for granted. People want to see you succeed. People will feel pain when you are hurt. People will stand by you and defend you with everything that they have. Don't abuse this love. Don't walk away from it. At the end of the day, this small bubble of people are the ones that will make you who you are.
8. Don't put everything out into the open. It's okay to maintain some sort of privacy. Even though we're living in a world where EVERYTHING is done online, it's still okay to live a life away from it all. Don't tweet your life away. LIVE IT. Get out of the house, even if it's for a few hours.
9. You will drift away from people that you care about. That's just life. Distance makes it difficult, but we have it so much easier than our parents did. Shoot them an email, a text, a phone call. Ask them about their day. Use the internet to your advantage; the people you love can stay in your life. You both just have to make the effort to make that happen.
10. Don't talk politics. It can get messy. Especially if you don't know what you're talking about.
11. Failing is not a bad thing. It's okay to lose. It's okay to get a bad grade. It's okay to be unable to change someone's mind. This does not mean that you are a failure. This just means that you had a bump in the road. Keep trying. Push yourself. Don't give up on things, as cliche as it sounds.
12. Branch out into doing the unknown. Take classes you never would've thought you would like (physics, global studies, literary theory), because they'll probably wind up being the best ones you'll take. Say yes to the boy when he asks you out in a side alley of a school building. Say yes to the beauty pageant you're terrified to compete in. Say yes to that summer in Europe, even though you can't speak the language and don't know anyone else going. Say yes to that job. Say yes to that coffee date with an old friend you haven't seen in a while. Embrace what scares you, because those are the things that make life worthwhile.
13. People will pass away. Tell them you love them while there is still time. Talk to your grandpa about the time he spent in Paris in the 1960s before he passes away; talk to your grandma about her life in Colombia before Alzheimer's takes over her brain and she doesn't remember your name anymore. You'll regret not saying the things you never got a chance to say.
14. Travel. See the world. Experience different cultures. You may not have moved away for college, but your experience with traveling will give you a greater education than you ever would have imagined. The places you visit will change your life. The friends you meet, the photos you take, the memories you make; these will become some of your most treasured moments. Embrace them all and don't let anyone or anything hold you back from gaining these experiences.
15. Start to drink wine. Specifically red wine. You'll love it. It'll be your thing. Just don't drink too much. Sometimes you can't hold your alcohol. It goes really well with cheese.
16. Material things aren't everything. Yeah, it's nice to have those designer shoes, those hot jeans and the newest iPhone- but none of those things will take care of you when you're stuck in bed with the flu. None of those will keep you warm at night. None of those make you a better person. Love what you have and know that stuff is just stuff. Don't value it over anyone. Don't let it define you.
17. Get involved. Whether it's beauty pageants or student groups or helping out in your community, you should GIVE BACK. Volunteer at schools. Play with kids. Work a booth at school, even if you've been there for 8 hours and just want to go home. Be a PART of something.
18. Don't compromise yourself. Stand up for yourself and the people you love. Fight back. Don't sit timidly in the corner and let people punch you for changing the radio station.
19. You will go back and read those diaries you were always scribbling in and will realize that you were once an incredibly selfish, vapid, annoying teen. You won't like the person who you were. That's okay. When you're a teen, your life revolves around you and what you want and what you believe is right (based on only a few years in some high school classrooms and a handful of drunken nights out with your friends). I guess that's what growing up is; learning that other people's happiness is sometimes more important than your own. Knowing that you aren't always right, but also knowing to stand up for what you believe to be true, even if it means losing people in the process. Just know that you won't always feel the way you are feeling now. You will become better. You will become kinder. And at the same time, you will become wiser and less likely to sway away from what you believe in.
20. At the end of the day, know that everyone makes mistakes. We all say things we wish we hadn't said. We all love the wrong person; we all hurt the right person. We all cry ourselves to sleep at night without knowing why. We all sneak out of the house. We all drink a little too much, smoke a little too much, dance a little too close... WE ARE HUMAN. There is no manual for how to live your life on this Earth. Just make it a point to be a good person. That's it. Be kind to strangers, hug your parents, tell your friends you love them, accept the opinions of your loved ones (even if it's hard to hear). At the end of the day, if you're a good person - a KIND person - you will excel in life. And that's the honest-to-god truth.
Does anyone else have any tidbits that they've learned that they'd like to add? Feel free to add them in the comments below.
And if everyone has any advice for a girl in her early-twenties, PLEASE pass it my way. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm circling around aimlessly; it would be great help to learn that I'm not alone.
